Clan Fics
by Smileyfoot
Summary: When a Clan Deputy abuses her clanmates, a small she-cat decides to expose the fat lazy slob for what she really is by writing and distributing fanfics about her daily activities behind the scenes. rated for themes and possibly language.


Three cats walked in the woods of ThunderClan territory. One was a huge black tom, one a tiny calico she-cat, and one a fat slob of a brown cat with darker ear, tail, pap, and chest coloring. The fat brown cat happened to be the deputy of ThunderClan, and the worst case of mary-sue syndrome EVER. That is, until the little calico she-cat had anything to say about it.

Little did the brown cat, Alphalightning, know, but the calio-Rosepetal- was writing fics about her.

Rosepetal padded along with a notepad, writing her choice words carefully. Hopefully, Alphalightning would read these fanfictions that the clan was buzzing about and take the hint. Until then, she would write chapter upon chapter upon chapter.

* * *

_Fic number one: Hunting_

_Alphalightning traipsed through the woods noisily, bossing around every single leaf, beetle, and piece of prey. She didn't bother attempting to pounce on the prey, her legs were /much/ too short for that. Her massive belly dragged on the floor, and her clanmates wondered what she would be like if she were carrying kits. How unfortunate and horrible it would be for the litter- their mother being such a fat meanie and all. _

* * *

Rosepetal grinned. This was turning out well! Alphalightning stopped the patrol.  
"ROSEPETAL, PUT THAT NOTEBOOK DOWN. YOU'LL SCARE AWAY THE PREY WITH ALL THAT NOISE OF WRITING!" The deputy screeched angrily.

Rosepetal smirked. She'd show Alphalightning who the stupider hunter was.

* * *

_Alphalighting stopped and screeched loudly to her patrol, "STOP BREATHING, YOU'LL SCARE AWAY THE PREY!" _

_The patrol ignored her. She was a figurehead anyway. She had no actual power compared to the leader, Scarletstar. Plus, she couldn't catch a mouse even if it had no legs and flew into her claws. She'd miss anyway, lose the legless mouse, and come home to the clan empty-pawed, as she usually did. _

* * *

Alphalighting Stopped her patrol and sniffed the air. "I smell rabbit. Go catch it, Ravenclaw." She getsured for the black tom to chase it down. He looked nervous.

"Maybe we should have Rosepetal or you chase it into my paws? I'm not the fastest runner, you know." Ravenclaw was a rather large warrior, and he wasn't the fastest cat in the clan. He was probably one of the slowest, even if he was faster than Alphalightning.

Alphalightning shook her head. "Go chase it, you fat lazy furball!"

Rosepetal swiped her claws over the deputy's muzzle. "DON'T TALK TO RAVENCLAW THAT WAY, YOU OBESE BADGER WITH BAD BREATH, NO REAL POWER, AND A FETISH FOR SHADOWCLAN MALES!"

Alphalightning's ears grew red. "Pite down, Rosepetal! You'll blow my cover! The clan doesn't know about my affairs with him yet." Rosepetal rolled her eyes. "No fox dung?!" She picked up the notepad and continued writing.

* * *

_Alphalightning made her clanmates chase all of the prey, not catching a single thing herself. She was a poor hunter at best, and would die if the clan didn't support her massive eating addiction. She needed to lose weight badly, and she knew it. She was just too lazy and gluttonous. She didn't care about the clan. She didn't care about anyone but herself._

* * *

Ravenclaw returned, hauling the rabbit. around a mouthful of fur, he mumbled, "Let's go back to camp, Rosepetal caught a squirrel and two mice. Those plus this rabbit will be more than enough." Alphalightning nodded. "Get going, I'll bring up the rear."

She followed the two home, and just before they came into view of the camp took the rabbit from Ravenclaw. "I'll take that," she mewed, hauling it into camp as though she'd caught it herself. Rosepetal growled.

"The clan's going to know who really caught that rabbit tomorrow morning, Ravenclaw." He grinned. "Thanks, Rosepetal."

* * *

_Alphalightning took the prey that her clanmate, Ravenclaw, had caught. It was a glorious rabbit that he'd chased down without help on her order. However, he didn't get to receive any praise for his catch as the fat old badger of a deputy dragged his catch to the fresh-kill pile as though it were her own._

* * *

The next morning, the fic was distributed throught the clan. Everyone, today including the deputy, received a copy.

Alphalightning was outraged.

"Rosepetal," she growled under her breath, "I'm going to kill you for this!"

* * *

_TO BE CONTINUED..._


End file.
